As I enter into January, June feels very close. I have been ridden by anxious thoughts. How will the rest of my financial support come in? Will I ever get back to Thailand to see those kids in Mahathai? They have probably grown so much already. Each time the anxieties seem to take over, God sends me at least a couple phone calls from friends who listen and help me get it out of my system.
God has me here now for a purpose as well. He's not just sitting back with a sinister laugh not answering my prayers out of spite, though I think I imagine that when I'm not remembering the God of Love. If I hadn't been home last week, I wouldn't have been here for Granddad's funeral. I don't need to leave right now. Actually, aside from the fierce cold, I'm really enjoying the time stateside.
Yet that crazy calling of mine is fiercely raging within me to strive forward. Why can't I trust that the God of my calling will also be the God of my provision? It's just such a strange middle ground that I'm sitting around in for these months. I don't seem to do well at "resting." I still enjoy getting a sense of worth from my performance instead the grace I have in Jesus Christ. It's confusing to figure out where I fit in since while I settle in here, I'm thinking about leaving the whole time. Well, that's where I am for those interested in missionary re-entry at the 6 month point.
2 comments:
The Lord put it on my heart last night to pray for you about this - that you would have peace while being pulled in multiple directions. He is good and He will provide for you. Please know that I am praying peace for you. You bless me by your willingness to go.
"just pilgrims passing through"..such a strange position in life, but it keeps our perspective on heavenly things. Continue to look up sweet friend. Blessings & provision will fall from unexpected places. This we know from experience :)The Fastenau family is praying.
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